Mobile foolishness…..

Some months ago, a teenager in India got killed because he had headphones on and was listening to loud music from his mobile. Apparently, he was walking on railway tracks and people were frantically waving to him to get off the track of the oncoming train. He did not hear them, see them nor did he sense the vibrations of the train…..because of the mobile phone. Neighbours said he was a good boy on his way to visit his Grandma.

Then there are the folks who would not turn off their phones when reminded before a plane takes off, though the danger is shared by all passengers. And those who cannot wait till the plane stops to turn on their phones.

There are those who cross the roads or ride the bikes with ear piece on. Drivers who have killed innocent pedestrians because they were talking on the phone.

And they are those who would use the phone to make movie while a person is beat up, harassed, bullied, molested, run over, etc, instead of helping the victim.

Mobile foolishness not because of the phone but the human.

Life’s journey…

On a typical bus journey, i was getting off a bus and noticed another person was getting on…got me thinking of a sci-fi movie [starring Signoney Weaver?].

In the movie, the birth of an alien had to wait till a death happens…because earth can only contain a fixed number of souls.

Actually, the bus makes a good analogy…one gets on and another gets off….both are unique individuals not replaceable by another person….both are separate entities….

I certainly celebrate life and treasure the reality that there is only one me throughout the universe, and across all time span. I am not sharing another person’s soul!

Every year is all the more special!

A light hearted moment….

I was observing a peculiar moment….

A non-Singaporean providing information about Singapore to another non-Singaporean…..a scene on the bus.

Bus drivers have to answer a lot of questions from riders including tourists and other foreign talents working in Singapore. Foreign talents working as bus drivers do have an added challenge….

Truly a cartoon moment.

Excessive dose of positive psychology leads to rudeness….irony

Recent events at various places, including at airports, showcase a very ironic and sad reality…

A 3 year-old child beating up his 6 year-old sibling and getting away with it; the same child hitting his Grandma and getting away with it. The mother in fact chided the older sibling. Her own mother [Grandma] tried to correct the younger tyrant but ended up being hit by the child but the child’s mom said nothing.

So it is not ok to discipline a child but it is ok for that child to hit others? What kind of logic is this? The sad reality is the one whom the parent does not discipline eventually becomes a possible problem to society. All the justification of positive psychology and soft touch for misbehaving kids merely reinforce rude behaviours. Positive psychology can create little monsters just as negative psychology. These little monsters, unfortunately, never grow out of their tantrums, manipulation, self centeredness and even lying. Unless the parents, who are the guardians appointed to guide them, consciously mould them to be civic minded individuals.

I see children yelling at their parents, showing no respect to them, beating them and the parents do nothing to correct that inappropriate behaviour. Some years down the road, these parents will wonder why they have lost the respect of their child.

I am thankful for those parents who do guide, like the one who told his 2 year-old not to yell at a restaurant where i was dinning. Daddy said “shh, do not disturb others who are eating.”

In quite a number of western states, there is no more separation between family and state. The authorities are poking their nose into family affairs, restricting loving parents from doing any form of disciplining. Many do agree with such blanket restrictions. Interestingly, these same supporters of the state intervention would cry foul if there is speech censorship enforced by state governments…..a double standard that is downright ironic.

The world is heading for a sad state, if only people care. Now people can hide behind temporary insanity and kill…the law sanctions it. And so many people blame DNA….as if we cannot exercise choice to act with love and consideration…..Hmmmm….another irony, there are so many marches for Choice [we all know what these are] yet it is said some people cannot choose to restrain themselves from murder, destructive behaviours.

Just like children changing the rules of the game, in the midst of the game, whenever it suits their agenda so that they come out the winner, some adults still do it. Then again, who is the child and who is the adult?

Best of the east and west…

I love the meeting of the minds in this China talk show where the two guests embrace the balance of discipline [fosters values] and empathy [fosters creativity].

I have copied the url for you view the programme yourself…
  http://cctv.cntv.cn/lm/crossover/homepage/index.shtml

Indeed parents owe it to their children to groom them to be considerate citizens / leaders of the next generation. Most parents of the affluent societies have equipped their children with wealth, with financial security, with education that builds confidence to express self and self preservation, but few have equipped their children to be considerate, others centric, service minded, or that the world is much larger than themselves…

I find very few of the young adults are prepared for the real world….sadly.

The [temporary] power of gaga….

Lady Gaga is hot now, with huge following, and an idol to many youths because of her messages….

So was Elvis Presley for his fans, Marilyn Monroe for her fans, Michael Jackson for his fans, Madonna for hers….

Do notice the short life of several influential entertainment idols…..short and impactful entrance, and great following, and then gone just as quickly…[Madonna is still around, I know]

Contrast that with:

• Florence Nightingale died at 90
• Thomas Edison, at 84
• Mother Theresa at 87
• Thomas Edison at 84
• Einstein at 76
• Andrew Carnegie at 84

Another blazing star is around the corner waiting to replace the memory of gaga…So what legacy would gaga leave? We know what Mother Theresa and Florence Nightingale left behind.

But for now, we cannot deny the power of gaga’s influence on today’s youth. Self expression or rebellion are nothing unique to today’s youth, every generation had its own version. The question is who were the role models then and now. What values were promoted back then compared to now.

Many credit gaga for the notion that love and acceptance, compassion etc will preserve freedom. Yet many had been preaching this long before gaga. Jesus himself said this 2000 years ago and demonstrated with His own life and yet wars, family breakdown, children abuse and murder their parents / vice versa….continue.

Gaga’s existence and her antics are not a surprise to God…..the question is ‘what are the youths attracted to?’ Her singing talent? her looks? her body? her foul mouth? her messages? Or simply her audacity to challenge the existing? I don’t think the fans consciously think about it….the power of the masses has a mind of its own.

I saw a video of gaga’s message at the concert she gave in Singapore. A10-15 minutes speech had so many ‘f’ word that i lost count, she regaled every moment of it. The headiness of the power she commanded in that performance hall, which she obviously enjoyed, gave her even more oomph to challenge the young people to be rebellious. She talked like she is god. Actually it is not gaga who is scary but the audience’s revelry that is scary….

So it is said in the last days “..people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power..”

Irony of the current century…

Youth of yesteryears celebrate the coming of age at 13 and in many cultures it is still happening. By the way, that means assuming responsibility of a man or woman, accordingly.

Given that context, consider this:

• Youth today are sexually active around 12/13 years old
• More girls, at 15, get pregnant due to their own lifestyle [as opposed to being forced into child marriages]
• Most youth take decisions on abortion without need to get their parent’s approval
• These same youth spend their parent’s money and have no financial cares

These same youth enter the workforce as young adults with such an expansive experience and knowledge of sexual relationships but….

• they have no idea where they are heading in life
• they cannot discern the circumstances to decide the best course of action without being handheld
• they cannot remember the instructions given to them by their supervisors the day before
• they need specific instructions for every action needed
• they cannot withstand corrections at work
• they might think that time is unlimited or cash is unlimited
• they expect an organisation to change its policy or adjust its expectations so that the environment is tuned to their needs
• they expect that all things must be perfect for them to perform well
• they think they are doing the organisation a favour when they work

The list continues but you get the point. Yes, I will annoy many for generalising. Actually they do form a good part of the majority ….

[no offence intended, apologies if any taken]

Communication and its oddities…

We know when a person is angry, upset, unstable, not to engage them in conversation till they calm down…at least if we want to have sane conversation….. 

How is it then we do not do the same with children….why do we give immediate attention to a child when he or she is throwing tantrums, crying hysterically, trying to communicate in the midst of their sobs and yells…and we try either to pacify, or interpret, or yell back or force an issue?

[I am not referring to emergency or life and death incidents…where immediate attention should rightfully be given.]

The most appropriate response to a highly emotionally charged child is to let them chill out first.

Actually parents ought to tell their children way ahead of any incidences how they will handle highly emotional behaviour, to show the children that they have a clear thinking on handling such matters. That is whenever the children  behave very emotionally, Mom and Dad will not communicate or respond but will send them to the ‘restore corner’ [designated space for child to sit which must be the same exact spot and consistently practised] and only when they calm down, then communication will begin.

Parents, if you care for your children’s future, when you are no longer around or when they are not by your side, teach them how to contain their emotion, how to handle highly charged environment. If you shield them, if you fight on their behalf, you are living their life for them… so how does the following saying fit?

"teach me how to fish, instead of fishing for me…”

Bones to pick…

A man was upset with another man for some evil thing that the latter did to him.
The man who did evil died…but the man who is upset had ‘bones’ to pick. So, he kept the dead man’s corpse next to him all the time so he can pick at it whenever he wants. He has a ‘victim’ mindset and held onto the corpse, though stinky, unhygienic, meaningless…

He could not let go of the past and so the corpse became a permanent fixture in his life. Wherever he goes, the rotting corpse goes. People around him cannot see the corpse but can smell the bad odour and stayed away from him. Others quarrel with him because they think he is weird. He started to be alienated. Success eludes him as such….he kept having to proof himself, at least he thinks he has to….that he is entitled to what the dead man took from him.

He found others who did the same as he. It is like misery attracts misery….all who have a smelling corpse with them became friends…they hung out together talking about the evil deeds of the rotting corpse….drank, ranted, taking revenge on every antagonist who dares to be in their way. In the process more corpses got collected.

After some time, the burden of carrying the corpses became weary and the man with the ‘victim’ mindset stop living a healthy lifestyle. Life emptied out on him. He makes decisions concerning and considering only the immediate….not at all interested in the future. Living in the moment of ‘now’ but with the corpses has extracted so much out of him that he has no more energy to think clearly and plan clearly for the future.

This 'man' and his 'friends' are amongst our family members and friends. We cannot ignore them…we have to help them if they want to be helped.

Ah aha from a lizard….

Am glad i can learn from a lizard…

I was walking up to my apartment when i noticed a lizard…common encounter..but..

I did not pay it any attention this time because I had a headache. Just then, I thought…if I had paid it any attention, the two of us will have a ‘i-frighten–you-and-you-frighten-me’ experience. I would anticipate its move and / or try to shoo it away..making it a clear ‘battle’ of sorts. However, when I did not look at it, I was not anticipating, and I was not engaged with its movement. The lizard will of course do what it does whether i see it or not.

So, it is with life, if i paid attention to the ‘antagonist’ we will both spar but if I do not pay the attention, I am moving on with life.

Thanks lizard for teaching me a lesson.

What learning should be….

This video encapsulates learning even without words…[watch without audio, the impact is still the same]

http://youtu.be/BX31FkIMjPI

It shows ‘discovery’ and the learner was having fun the entire time. There was no complaint. There was not whining about difficulty, or pain. There was no limit to the discovering. The spirit of ‘aha’ pervades the entire time. So much joy!


Should we not see our own learning the same way? Be unconstrained in learning about oneself, and constantly developing a clear definition of ‘boundaries’. Instead of cribbing about others, circumstances and making oneself the victim of circumstance?

Why does one get bitter….

I believe that when God comes, He will bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts. Each man will receive his or her praise directly from God himself.

As such, we are not to go on passing judgement before the time but wait until the Lord comes…

I believe if we do not pass judgement on others, we will not have bitterness within. If we do pass judgement we are in essence playing God. A nasty effect of playing God is the production of ‘toxins’ within our spirit person…leading to bitterness…

instead of helping the situation by passing judgement, we actually end up building a wall of bitterness.

So if we do away with blame, passing judgement, and self righteousness, bitterness will not find any nutrients from which to grow.

Success is not about methods, it is an attitude of the mind….

Those searching for methods, buying books, attending seminars to seek the secrets to Success will be upset with what i am saying here…..“there is not any!”

It is an attitude of the mind – cultivated by parents when we were growing up, if not then, by challenges throughout life’s journey.

Recently a dear friend told of her two young girls’ health challenges due to weather changes, dust and allergies. Sprightly ones who end up being inactive  because of breathing difficulties. But – a big but! Both young girls attended competitions, performances, sat for exams, ie. carried out their committed responsibilities even though they were not well. 

Mind you it is not because their parents are driving them to. Both young girls learnt the spirit of excellence when very young and they self motivate / self regulate well….they are overcomers and conquerors! Their parents did not force them to do things or insist that they must keep up with the Jones or pushed them to top everybody in school.

Instead, the girls have a strong internal mechanism that served them well…both are in the national upper rank in science / maths…[India]

A separate observation confirms the absence of secrets. I was asked to help with an oddity in MS Word doc formatting. After some fiddling i was able to resolve the oddity. I reflected on it…was i that much better than the person who asked? Actually, no I am not. The difference between us is that i am willing to experiment and through trial and error found the solution. This is another mark for success…a strong learning spirit.

Combine a spirit of excellence with perpetual learning mindset - that is a potent force for success.

Those who do not turn every experience into a learning experience, and let others solve the problems for them and those who do not have the internal mechanisms to self motivate / self regulate ….will end up paying too much money to seek that elusive secret.

Parents, i suggest you might want to focus on building / inculcating the need to self motivate / self regulate early in your children’s life. This would be the most essential investment you can ever make in your children because that mindset / attitude will help your children survive anything. Even if you leave behind house, insurance, money, etc…these things are temporal in that the house can be compounded by land authorities, the money is likely to be squandered [because they did not earn it so they won’t cherish it], etc.

I am grateful to my ever-loving Heavenly Father, that though i did not study how to be successful, He has given me life’s challenges [school of hard knocks] and a spirit of excellence and deep learning appetite….i will, with God’s help and His favour, have a path with hope and a future i know that is successful.

How we see life is how we treat it…

and how others treat us….

So it begins with us changing our own world view / paradigm….then we treat our life differently and others will also treat us differently.

In short, the onus is not on others to change, it is on us to change!

Absolute trust…

When we are born, we are endowed with absolute trust. We do not question or doubt our parents when we were mere infants, we just trust them.

That innocent / unchallenged trust so precious even to the parents, gets eroded over time ….sadly…till people do not want to uphold absolute trust.

Many a person will trust God up to 80%. The pious one maybe 98%. If God be God, can we not trust Him 100%?

It is ok to hole-ly…

I struggle much with how my character flaws keep getting in the way of progress of what i want to accomplish…

I get upset and become impatient. My mood affects everyone around me. The situation spirals and I am just completely spent….and nothing is changed…

This week has been just one of those weeks that got me discouraged and depressed. I am better than before in that I can recognise the thoughts and associated behaviours and therefore can decide to arrest them after a couple of hours….instead of days in yesteryears…
However, this time, i got a big ‘aha’ – a breakthrough. I have been reading and listening to teachings that got me released….by accepting my humanity. I should take my eyes off my problems, off myself, off others and put them completely on Jesus. It is the cracks in me, the clay that is full of holes that Jesus can radiate his holiness. I am challenged to accept and believe that Jesus is equally as present when i am doing fine as when i made lots of boo-boo. It is only when i am weak, and am humbly dependent on Him, and out of Jesus’ way, that He does the most marvellous thing in my life.
Simply I believe Jesus loves me all the time, unconditionally, regardless of my error of ways….His love will lead me home to Him.

When i forget Jesus’ love for me, i fall apart. When i am filled with Jesus’ love, the cracks are fine. I accept the ‘holes’ that make me more holy.

http://www.completelydevoted.org/2011/12/cracked-pots/

http://www.evokeministries.org/365/cracked-pots/

Being passionate gets one in trouble…

Those of us who are passionate about what we do tend also to be vocal and opinionated – it comes with the territory. All known historical leaders who had left an impact in humanity were not likely to be afraid of speaking up passionately, though their opinion might be proved wrong later.

Those of us who speak up passionately often step on someone’s tail inadvertently. All too often, that gets blown out of proportion and motives are attributed and matters get blown out of proportion. It is so easy to back off and be quiet, and find a corner and hide. Or try to use a pseudo-name or be anonymous, almost apologetic for having an opinion.

I choose to speak up, express my view even though it might offend someone. At least, I am true to myself. I do not believe in saying one thing with my mouth, but thinking another in my heart. I do not expect everyone to agree with me as I do not agree with everyone. I might speak passionately but that does not mean I do not have room to hear another’s opinion.

Neither is it an excuse to intentional offend people. Just live life passionately.

We measure and are measured by events instead of character and value..

I noticed with sadness that increasingly people measure and are measured by events /transactions instead of values and character.

Giving a person ‘benefit of the doubt’ may be a thing of the past. What does it mean to give someone a benefit of the doubt? Do you know?

To give someone benefit of the doubt is, in the midst of something bad, to decide on face value, recognizant of his or her character, instead of reading between the line, reading motive and intent. No matter how much the circumstances point to the guilt of the opposite party, I choose to not conclude so due to the character / values of that person.

Conversely, many people, increasingly more, conclude on motives and guilt based on an event / transaction. The event / transaction takes precedent over the values and character of the opposite party. The events / transactions seem to define a person’s future and worth.

It is very sad. People should be about values and character, not about performance, events, and transactions.

I stand guilty of that and apologise to all whom i have treated wrongly.

Behaviour versus performance…

In a high performance culture, people are very much driven by performance, measured by performance, and the mind is only focused on performance. To the point that one might measure one’s worth by one’s performance.

Yet, the more critical element is our attitude which in turn affects our behaviours. So often that is the most tangible and visible representation of us before the performance results show. We get judged by our attitude and behaviours – more significantly and for a longer time – than the results of our performance.

Two persons can do the same thing with equal competency, and achieve same results. But the one who does it with passion, joy and spirit of excellence will come across differently from the one who does it out of fear, resentment, or arrogance.

We all love to work with people with passion because that makes the office come alive. We may not like that person, but we know the office is not the same without such a person.

Steve Jobs was not liked as Senior but many chose to stay at Apple because they are inspired by him [from the book, Inside Steve’s Brain by Leander Kahney].

You know you have matured when you…

There has been much written about generation gaps with each new generation. I have also often opined on the subject but recently I see a different view on generational differences.

I believe every generation goes through the same awakening, challenges, sense of being misunderstood by previous generations, taken lightly, indulged or neglected, etc…. it is the same rite of passage. Of course world events are different, technology is different, economics and industry are different.

What hit me about the difference with each generation is really around the time of maturity. Let me explain.

[The following are broad brush statements.] Those from the veterans generation had to be mature around the age of 15-16 years due to the circumstances of the war, fathers being drafted, killed etc.

Those in baby boomers generation had to mature around late teens to 20ish due to the days of industrialisation and children had to adjust to parent’s hardship.

Those in Gen X would mature around mid 20s against their own backdrop of world events, family events, etc.

Gen Y does not need to mature if they do not want to. Many in their late 20s / early 30s are still not mature. Their parents are still paying their bills or shielding them from the consequences of bad decisions / bad behaviours.

What then is maturity?

It is when one takes up responsibilities for one’s own spending, own mistakes, and face own consequence [instead of parents or friends].

It is when one is willing to sacrifice immediate good for a future great. It is when one is willing to sacrifice one’s own joy for the sake of another.

It is when we can see our own mistakes first before pointing the finger at others.  It is when we do not complain about everything and exaggerate the situation like a 4-year old whose balloon burst.

We know we are mature when we do not fight everything in rebellion and contribute to a cause that we have no glory to claim from.

Given these are generalisations, there will be wonderful exceptions ….and i am glad there are.