The myth about praises …

Different people respond to ‘praises’ differently.

Children especially need and crave the praises. Watch them beam when they get the praises. However, it is not the verbal praises that contribute to the future success of the child. Nor is it the absence of praises that create future losers. Only when there is verbal abuse, or emotional abuse, physical abuse etc, damage occurs.

Examining the effect of presence and absence of praises, over a period of time in a few select individuals, myself included, I think the argument for praise might need some re-thinking.

I was raised on a famine of praises – getting the occasional ones but largely displaced by incessant criticisms, and abuses. I did have quite a fair bit of struggles throughout school and adulthood. But that did not stop me from having success. I am able to stand my ground today, confident in what i am doing, and helping others to do the same. In fact, I have the advantage of not being needy for praises and I do not fall apart when i do not get praises.

I have a friend of the same age raised in a nice warm loving family where Mom and Dad were always there. But she is always insecure and thrives on praises. She is also very fragile in that she cannot handle not being liked.

Then there is the contrast between generations.

Veterans and Baby Boomers generations were not raised on diet of praises [exceptions exist of course]. These folks made their way up the ranks from their 20s and are today top decision makers.

Gen X [in their 30s and 40s] had more praises than earlier generations and they are moving up the ranks.

Gen Y is raised by doting parents who praised them even for inappropriate behaviours. They are known to be narcissistic [always admiring themselves in the mirror]. As adults, they expect to receive praises as if it is their right to receive, like massage to their soul. They fall apart when the praises are not given. It is like they have addiction to praises. When given, they want more and more. Because they receive praises so easily and frequently, they take the praises for granted. Forget appreciation because it is their right. However, if it is not given frequently and continuously, they crumble easily, taking on almost a victim’s / martyr's complex.

So giving and taking praises have gotten complex all of a sudden.

One thing i learnt, the power of praises is not what it is touted to be. It is best not to seek human acknowledgement; certainly do not give it so much value for the person who praised you, can be the same person who chews you up. It is a sad reality today.