Shaming and Blaming

Some people and some communities [I think particularly Asian communities] have an entrenched habit of blaming and shaming.  The prevalence was more intense and widespread in past generations.

Most of us who are in the baby boomers generation can remember being labelled ‘stupid’, ‘useless’, ‘ugly’, etc. Being labelled such by our parents / loved ones made it even more damaging.

It was considered a proper practice / a desired behaviour not to praise one’s kids in the presence of relatives and friends. If the praise came from them, parents were expected to practice ‘false humility’ by denying the intelligence, beauty or whatever praises given to their kids. That gave rise to the unintended long term effect of children feeling stupid, useless and hopeless. 

When children misbehaved, parents tended to shame them publicly into submission. It is also fairly effective to condition behaviours of adults – negative behaviours being paraded publicly and embarrassment heightened by media. [eg. litterbugs in Singapore go through Corrections Works Order – offenders put on bright jackets with those words and go to public spaces to pick up litter like Yogi bear.  Many will keep their face away from the reporters’ camera.]

Arguably, it works and so it is still being used. Those who still practise public shaming [and blaming] are aware of the speed of its effectiveness. 

One important consideration is the long term damage on the souls. Shaming may change behaviour but only in the short term. In the long run, the injured souls are those walk the streets, in our schools, are our neighbours & friends and we wonder why they behave the way the do. [recalcitrant is a separate discussion]

There is the other camp – typically the children raised under such environment, who are now themselves parents. They go way out of their way to protect their children from shame. The pendulum swings.

We have another generation or two now who are raised by parents who over-protect, over-shelter to a point where these young adults / late teens have no sense of responsibilities, proprietary, and reality of the real world.  Most of them are conditioned to be ‘blamers’. The proverbial ‘the dog ate it’ / ‘the devil made me do it’ mindset can be seen at the fault lines.