January 2009
I was watching the behaviours of children and teens [when travelling in buses and in the train] and wonder why they behave the way they do.
Perhaps I will share my observation 'with the end in mind'.
Most of us have bosses, colleagues, neighbours, even older relatives whom we, er, dislike. Their [obnoxious, self-centered, inconsidered, insolent, etc] behaviours make us want to stay away from them.
They were not born that way. The environment they grew up in shaped them!
The arrogant new employee / colleague who does not respect authorities / supervisors is not born that way. The inconsiderate teenager who is so self absorbed and does not care if she is blocking the exit on the bus is not born that way. The tandrum throwing 9-year old is not born that way. The 5-year old who hits his Mom and yells at her is not born that way.
So parents, if you truly truly care about leaving a legacy for your children and want to know they live on to be loving and contributing citizens long after you are gone, please do not relinquish your role as a disciplinarian.
I assume you will not be proud if your kid is a bully at school, a disrespectful employee at work, or a 'me, me me' citizen in a community.
Children must learn to respect elders / authorities [does not mean blind obedience]. When they display adult behaviours such as:
- speech [one young child still sitting in a stroller said loudly to her older brother 'I am 3 years old and i can do ......you know!']
- action [yells at parent, with hands on waist and glaring eyes]
- take on the role of the parent [telling the parent off or correcting the parent]
I know I am a single Auntie and perhaps you think I should not be so harsh. I decided to put up this 'Auntie Poh's' corner because I have seen good parenting versus non-existent parent across continents. I am sharing because I am especially tuned to the generations entering the workforce, being in the talent grooming business.
Success for your children is not in the A grades they receive, nor the top of the ladder in the career world. If you are in your 30s / 40s, and working, you will know that the kind of persons you admire and appreciate are those who are real, sincere and reliable / trustworthy.
Raise your children to have those virtues, the success of his / her life will come naturally [hardship included]. But you must 1st be prepared to discipline your child. Be firm, and stay the course, no matter how pained your heart maybe to see the child's teary eyes.
Reactionary parent is not wise. What do i mean? If your parenting style is shaped by what you don't want your child to experience - what you went through as a child - then it would end up being a pendulum swing.
Children, who grow up with minimal discipline [because a generation of parents refuse to put their children through what they went through], in the end wished that their parents did [some even blame their parents].
What your child gets away with at home, he or she may not get away with at school, and later at the workplace and in the community. Teach your child to be part of a community, respectful, giving without expecting returns, and seeking the greater good of everyone over self, all of us will thank you.
This Auntie does not know everything and does not pretend to, so I apologise if I have offended anyone.
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