12 Jun 2009

Pro-active versus reactive parenting…

In the business world, we often hear about the merits of proactive management as opposed to reactive management. That is to anticipate a certain event so we can do something to stop it from happening or to enhance its results before it actually happens, is a more effective form of management.

I think that such thinking could also be applied in our personal lives and most certainly in parenting.

I have observed and some parents have concurred that conditioning the behaviours of young children before the thinking pattern is set in and the behaviours become a challenge, is a more effective method than reacting to the behaviours when they happen.

This means child psychology books / experts who focus on behaviours by developmental stage, will also advise on parenting skills that are relevant only when child enters the developmental stage. In other words, reactionary parenting.

An example may help.

When a toddler shows interest in a socket by reaching out to touch it, the adult / parent will say ‘no’ or grab the child’s arm away – ie reacting to the behaviour. That begins a forbidden fruit syndrome. Most parents typically adopt reactionary parenting approach.

However, when the child is still in an earlier development stage say about 18 months, the parent can talk about the socket, and through a series of deliberate actions neutralise the kid’s interest to the socket, and in a way condition the child to be no longer fascinated by it, then when the child reaches 2, he or she does not have any interest to touch the socket. Parents would not have to say ‘no’ and can avoid creating a forbidden fruit.

There are so many such opportunities to practise proactive parenting. If only there is time and patience.

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Quotations:

God starts us out on a life course to fulfill a certain purpose and then, only when we are ready, He gives us course corrections. Like a good river pilot, He steers us away from troubled waters, and like a good coach, He never puts us in the game until we are ready. The journey is never boring.

REMEMBER THIS ABOUT YOU...

  Read this out loud to yourself, and mean it!!

  I am precious, valuable, lovable and capable.
  The world will not be the same without me.
  I make a difference in this world, in the community I live in.
  I can make another person smile.
  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
  I sing for I am loved by a great God whose nature is to give  love, mercy and grace.

  [In Hindi]
  Mai amulya hoon.
  Yeh duniya mayray bina wahi nahin rahegi.
  Mayray hone say is duniya mein kuch badlav hai.
  Mujh se doosre ke chahre pay muskuraahat aati hai.
  Mujhe bhayankar se banaya gaya hai.
  Mujhe gaana hai ki ek mahaan; ishwhar mujhe pyaar karte.
  Hain aur mayray prati daya dikhaate hain.