Freedom!!!

I am extremely exhilarated as today draws to close! A sense of elation that is hard to describe and some of you may think I am exaggerating. It is very personal so I can understand if you do not identify with me. Nonetheless, I would like to share.

I had made a presentation a couple of hours ago to bid for a project.

Typically, I would get all stressed out, panning out a whole bunch of what if scenarios. I don’t think I need to describe in details because most of you know the possible anxieties in such situations. In times past, I would sacrifice sleep, over-prepare, and become edgy till the event was over.

I had a totally opposite experience today. I only prepared 2 days ago and only for about 5 –6 hours. I had decided early in the process, I would not be too distressed if I did not get this job.

Today, God reminded me that He is my boss and He has already decided if I am to be part of this project. If I am to be in, He will prepare the way. If I am not to be in, it is still His plan. Suddenly, the Good Word of God came alive in my inner man. The ‘battle belongs to the Lord’, ‘lean not on my own understanding’, I cannot ‘add an hour to the day even if I worry’, ‘Do not worry about what you will say….’ and more.

So if God has already set the direction / course, all I need to do is serve diligently [not slack], be humble because it is God and not my abilities [not arrogant], and adopt an attitude of obedience [not anxieties].

Suddenly ‘peace that passeth understanding’ sits in my inner man, with a sense of lightness of heart, and ‘freedom from fears / anxieties’. Confidence fills my soul, but not confidence of success, rather a confidence that God is in charge. Failure does not exist because it is God who decides so it has nothing to do with me – there is no such thing as ‘I have failed’.

It was one of the most enjoyable presentation [without pomp] I have ever given and I did not feel I had to impress. I was not distracted by all the typical struggles within.

It is not because of the circumstances but it is because GOD. It is also not because I have been a good girl so I got rewarded. It is about God, not about me. His plans will be proceed, with or without me. It is my privilege to be part of His plans.

Quoting a teacher whom I love to listen to, ‘things do not happen to me, they happen for me’, I am the apple of God’s eye [according to the Good Word of God]!

With such a realisation, I now know how free I am indeed. That is what Christ gave me when He died for me. A freedom to live life without anxieties.

Now it is up to me to remember this wonderful inheritance when the next challenge comes. :)