People liked Bill Clinton when he was the President, but not many respected him. Many people respect Lee Kuan Yew but there are quite a number who would say he is not nice. Poor Mr Bush is neither liked nor respected.
An article in Singapore’s Straits Times by Tan Hui Yee dated Jan 28 2009 [page A7] entitled ‘Hard Truths about Leadership’ detailed the opinions of Harvard Professor Dean Williams.
Let me extract a few quotes from the article:
“many people don’t distinguish between leadership and management or leadership and authority.”
“…leaders are people who mobilise a group to confront difficult issues and solve problems collectively, as opposed to managers, who simply maintain order, protect resources and provide direction with the authority they have been given……but they are not really creating something. They are not making a lasting and sustainable difference.”
If we are too caught up in being ‘nice’ and want to be liked / approved, there is a lot internal turmoil whenever an unpopular decision is made and announced.
In my years of work experience, I have known quite a number of people labelled as ‘nice’ ie liked by many. However, when confronted with tough situation, the other party '[moi] almost always have to be the bad guy. I am the party pressing for a decision and I end up being the not nice one. I fall under the camp of ‘not nice’ in some of my ex-colleagues’ books.
Not long after I returned from the US [1992], I realised that Singapore still has a very oriental culture [though the melting pot is having its effect over time]. My temperament, plus the exposure to US management practices, is the antithesis of oriental culture. My work style clashed with those who hold onto Confucian style of management [unknowingly then] and soon I felt loneliness. While I can try to be more tactful and strategic, I will not compromise the important matters even at the risk of disturbing the harmony. If harmony stands in the way of progress, I would look at the long term gains [including hurting someone in order not to harm him or her], and move shallow harmony out of the way in the interim.
Prof Williams also said that some people tend to
“…be ‘timid’ and prefer to quit a post rather than find ways to express themselves when they do not agree with something…”
Just because I choose to speak up, even confront [I have no problem handling confrontation, especially when it is the healthy type], does not mean I am un-nice. I do not care for power because it corrupts. I think that we can all learn from Prof Williams’ separation of real versus fake leadership:
“…. a lot of authority figures get caught up in exercising dominance or simply enjoying the status of their position and they forget that the real work is what is going to make a real difference….'”
I found that those whom I find are ‘nice’ are really nice when circumstances are within their control and are familiar to them. However, when the familiarity is gone and the playing field has changed, the same nice person starts to fall apart. The person becomes highly volatile probably due to vulnerability. I find myself having to constantly walk on egg shells around them. Actually I am describing myself too, when I was in my teens / twenties. I would switch from a ‘nice’ person to a difficult person then.
Now that I am on the receiving end, I realise that I was not a nice person back then, the way I thought I was.
Now, I spend less time thinking about being nice and more time looking at the big picture and making progress so that the greater good is always upheld over individual good.
I rather be known to have depth and integrity, winning some friends and losing some along the way than being shallow and playing to all, friend to everyone but without a sense of self, and swaying to popularity demands.
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